Getting over your ex … or not.
The theme for this week’s Time Out column is exes (ooh! my favorite topic!), and getting over them. Or … not getting over them, as the case may be.
I’ve noticed with my own exes that my ability to get over them doesn’t seem to be proportionate with how long we dated, or even how much I loved them. It seems - at least on first analysis - to be related to how “resolved” or “unresolved” I feel about them. With some, I move on immediately. With others, I can’t stop thinking about them. For YEARS (sigh).
And yes, that makes me feel like a loser. (But as my friend Pickett says, “Who doesn’t have trouble getting over their exes, though? It’s just that no one talks about it.”)
Mary’s point of view is this: “I think it’s natural to always wonder ‘what if?’ For some people you think, hmm, a different time, a different place, if I was more mature, if he were more mature - would it have worked out?”
Of course, sometimes resolution can come if you just wait long enough. I had quite a bit of trouble getting over one particular college boyfriend, until two years later, I realized … I had.
But occasionally I still wonder: what if I NEVER get over the exes I can’t get out of my head? Are there people out there who still hold a torch for a former flame, even years later??
Why are some exes easier to get over than others?
When do you stop wondering what if? Should you force yourself to stop? CAN you force yourself to stop?? (um, helpful tips are welcome!)
Email me (julia@juliaallison.com) or reblog your thoughts!
when i first read this, i immediately thought ‘dude, get over it.’ not in a mean way, but just figured that since i had done it, so could others.
then i remembered i was the dumper.
not say that’s easier. in fact, i think it can be harder in some cases. you know what you’re doing to your ex. you know you are going to break their heart, possibly even completely blindside them, and no one likes to hurt someone they love. it’s like kicking a baby kitten.
no. wait, i hate cats.
it’s like kicking a puppy dog with a big red bow around it’s neck on christmas morning.
i digress.
anyway, i thought it was easy to get over an ex. even easier if you knew they still loved and adored you, and no matter what you did, how many other guys you dated, how many other guys they saw you with, how many times you told them ‘breaking up with you was the best decision i ever made, and i only wish i had done it sooner,’ they would still completely love and adore you.
and then, i saw (on facebook, don’t judge) him kissing another girl’s cheek, and i was right back at square one.
breaking up sucks, even 2 years, other boyfriends, and an entirely new life down the road.
edited to add 7/16 @ 11:53: he totally does. it’s confirmed.
